already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
