During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
