Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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