I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
