honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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