just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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