dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
