It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
