none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize