Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
