my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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