You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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