She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
