is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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