Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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