Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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