Umm I'm too high to move.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
