I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
