I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
