have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
