i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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