im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
