Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
