nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
