you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
