It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
