So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
