My nipple is on Facebook.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
