Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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