i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
