First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just found a bag of teeth...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
