apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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