I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize