my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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