I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize