Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
