I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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