Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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