Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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