I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
