Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
