like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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