This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
