Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
40s are totally the cure
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
