Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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