took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
