Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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