It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
