I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
