Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Life is so much better after having sex.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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