I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So squirting runs in the family.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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