my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
