OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
